Bridges are found throughout the world and range in size from an ornamental structure across a gentle, bubbling brook to the Danyang-Kunshan Grand Bridge located on the Beijing-Shanghai high speed railway in China. It is the longest bridge in the world and covers a total distance of approximately 102.4 miles.
Whatever the size or length of the bridge, all have one characteristic. Each must be anchored to two sturdy sides to function efficiently. The bridge will collapse if the support on either side is in disrepair. The same is true in our relationships with others. Our first responsibility to the relationship bridge is to see that our side has a solid base. As we strengthen our base, we then have the responsibility to assist others in strengthening theirs. Both must be built on trust or the bridge will collapse.
Proverbs 31:10-31 describes the woman who can be trusted. Proverbs 31:11-12 states, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil
all the days of her life.” Married or single, this verse should describe the twenty-first century Christian woman. Through her heavenly Father’s strength, she builds relational bridges by cultivating a variety of character qualities:
Accessibility—a willingness to forgo one’s personal agenda in order to assist those in need (Phil. 2:3-4).
Empathy—feeling the pain of others with an intent to alleviate the suffering (James 1:26-27).
Dependability—keeping one’s word and following through on commitments even when it is inconvenient (1 Cor. 15:58).
Genuineness—aligning our heart attitudes with our actions (James 2:18-19).
Selflessness—an eagerness to lend a helping hand to others, even when the timing is inopportune (Prov. 31:20).
Thoughtfulness—showing consideration for others rather than focusing on herself (Eph. 4:31-32).
Unassuming—marked by a spirit of humility she embraces the attitude of author Os Guinness who states, "I live before an audience of One. Before others, I have nothing to gain, nothing to lose, nothing to prove” (1 Peter 5:5).
I lived in Santa Clarita, California when the 6.7 magnitude earthquake struck Northridge, California on January 17, 1994. Santa Clarita is north of Northridge and is accessible by the Antelope Valley Freeway and Golden State Freeway interchange. At the point of intersection of these two major traffic arteries the bridges suffered extensive damage. The destruction caused a major interruption to the traffic flow for months. What once was a quick trip to Northridge from Santa Clarita became a tedious journey. Just as the rebuilding of the freeway bridges required the investment of time and resources, when a breach of trust in a relationship occurs, prayer, time and energy is required to rebuild it. Kelsey’s Korner provides timeless counsel for this process.
KELSEY’S KORNER
Several months ago, someone I am very close to committed heinous acts against my family and me. Due to several misunderstandings and a difference in opinions, this person threatening to slander, abandon, and ultimately ruin our family. We knew they had a long history of committing this offense against others, but never in our greatest imaginings did we think these threats would be turned against us. The ramifications were devastating, and we spent several weeks cleaning up the carnage.
Eventually, this person wrote us a letter, apologizing and taking full responsibility for the sins they had committed against us. After much prayer and many discussions, my husband and I forgave this person and created a list of boundaries that we asked them to follow in order to protect our family and help rebuild trust.
Regardless of the magnitude, betrayal and broken trust will occur in everyone’s relationships, this side of heaven. We all have to wrestle with the questions of how to forgive a person and when or how to restore trust to broken relationships. As we struggled through these realities, three main themes shaped our conclusions:
We Are Called To Forgive
This is the hardest step. Forgiving someone that caused you incredible pain and suffering is unimaginable without the strength and example of Christ. “But God demonstrates his own love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). If the sinless God of the universe could forgive each and every one of our heinous offenses, how much more should we forgive others when they sin against us (also see Matt. 6:15, 18:21-35; Eph. 4:32). This type of forgiveness is stoked by genuine, selfless love for God and for others. A love that is patient and kind, not jealous, conceited, selfish, or easily angered. A love that “keeps no record of wrongs” and rejoices in good and never evil. A love that protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. This is the love Christ modeled for us and to which we are called to follow in 1 Cor. 13:4-7.
Create Boundaries
Once you have truly forgiven the offender, begin to consider if establishing boundaries will be necessary. It’s important to remember that boundaries should not act as a form of punishment or vindictive revenge, for God tells us to repay no one evil for evil; vengeance belongs to God alone, not us (Rom. 12:17-19). Instead, boundaries provide a safe testing ground that allows trustworthiness to be proven over time and possibly restored. Some boundaries may need to be permanent, and that’s ok. The safety and well-being of yourself and your family should be deeply considered and prayed over. As an example, we advised the person who made the offense against us that if they wanted a future relationship, they needed to get help by pursuing biblical counseling. We went onto the ACBC website and found certified biblical counselors in our area as a recommendation.
Focus On Your Own Heart
Bitterness, slander, and hate are true and dangerous realities for the hurting. We long to inflict the same pain and distress on our offenders that they inflicted on us. When you are tempted in this way, remember two things:
God despises a slanderous tongue (Ps. 101:5; Matt. 12:36; James 4:11), therefore we must carefully guard our words, thoughts, and secret intentions! If malicious and indignant thoughts and words continue to overwhelm you, this may be an indicator that you have not truly forgiven the offender, for Scripture tells us that “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34).
God cares DEEPLY for those who are unjustly treated, and His retribution will be swift and sure (see Ps. 37, 94). Wait patiently on your gracious Father, knowing he sees (and remembers) every evil committed against you. And conversely, He sees when we try to take retribution into our own hands.
Long after true forgiveness has been extended and relationships mended, emotional trauma may linger. Look for comfort and peace from the only true and lasting source—your Abba Father. Pour yourself into prayer and reading the Word, and allow yourself to receive the peace that surpasses understanding as your faith is strengthened and secured (Phil 4:7).
THE EVERYDAY HOMEMAKER’S MONTHLY MEDITATION THOUGHT
God’s Word states, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Col. 3:12-14)
Therefore, I may boldly say, “through my heavenly Father’s strength, I can build relational bridges by ‘putting on’ godly character qualities!”
You might enjoy other of our relationship related Posts:
“Are Your Relationship Expectations Realistic?”
“Are You Aware of the Antidotes for Relationship Busters? “—
“Giving the Gift of Unmerited Love“
“Do You Offer Trust and Confidence in Your Friendships?”
“Is Forgiveness Practiced in Your Home? “
Blessings on your day as you focus on making your house a home!