Becoming a mother, whether physical or spiritual, is a life-changing experience. Joy and hopefulness fill our hearts as we anticipate nurturing the child. Regrettably, the nurturing may terminate prematurely either by the death or the choice of the child. Kelsey will tenderly discuss the grief generated from losing a child through miscarriage or death. Since the Lord chose to have me remain single, I will concentrate on the lessons learned from experiencing spiritual prodigals.
My spiritual children serve our Lord throughout the world. I love the times when I answer the phone to find one of them on the other end of the connection. Their personal visits are always a blessing and their e-mails, cards, and letters often arrive to encourage and minister to me on challenging days. I am looking forward to our reunion in heaven and count it a privilege to be “the older woman” in their lives! However, I would not be honest if I told you that all of my spiritual children are choosing to continue to embrace my investment in their lives. This allows me to identify with the father described in Luke 15:11-24. Just as I glean much joy from those who are “walking in the truth” (3 John 1:4) I also learn a great deal from my spiritual prodigals. May I share several of the lessons with you?
LESSONS I GLEAN FROM MY SPIRITUAL PRODIGALS
Nurture those who currently desire a relationship with me. When reading Luke 15:11-24 I often contemplate if the older brother would have embraced a different attitude toward his brother’s homecoming if his Father had affirmed him (15:31) and partnered with him in prayer for his brother’s return. Philippians 4:11 and Hebrews 13:5-6 teach me that I am to be content with those currently in my near environment.
Refuse bitterness. Temperament-wise I can easily be like Naomi when she returned to Bethlehem and stated, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara. . .” (Ruth 1:20-21). Rather, I choose to meditate on the positive aspects of our relationship. Though I may be saddened by its current status, choosing to focus on its positive aspects keeps my heart tender toward reconciliation (Phil. 4:8-9).
Honestly acknowledge the occasions when I have sinned against my spiritual child. When the Holy Spirit convicts me and reveals my sin, I must seek my heavenly Father’s forgiveness and believe that He granted it. I then need to approach my spiritual child, when possible, and ask her forgiveness by stating my offense. I must not make her the scapegoat by highlighting her behavior that precipitated my sinful reaction. Satan may use my inability to humbly seek forgiveness as a spiritual barrier between my spiritual child and the Lord. I remove the barrier by being honest, admitting my sin to the child, and asking for her forgiveness by stating, “I was wrong when I (concisely state the offense). Will you forgive me?” My spiritual child may not grant forgiveness, but I have removed the barrier by acknowledging my sin (Jas. 5:16).
Opt to walk in victory rather than fostering guilt. It is easy to think that the perfect spiritual mother produces perfect spiritual children. If I embrace this belief then I assume the opposite is likewise true—imperfect spiritual children are the result of imperfect spiritual mothering. Satan, who is the accuser of believers, takes that thought and starts inflicting guilt on me. I begin asking, "What did I do wrong?" While I need to search my heart diligently, the answer may be nothing. My heavenly Father didn't do anything wrong with Adam and Eve but they rebelled. Judas walked with perfect love for three years and still betrayed Christ. I can be a model spiritual mother and still have a child who walks away. Until the Holy Spirit reveals my error, I must spiritually walk with the assumption that I did nothing wrong. If I don't, guilt will quench my joy, possibly enable my prodigal to manipulate me, and potentially hinder my relationships with those who are encouraged by my presence in their lives (1 Peter 5:7-9).
Extend unconditional love. Unconditional love says, "I love you for who you are, not for what you do." It sounds easy, but it's not. I seek to follow Jesus’ example of unconditional love that bears the shame, endures the pain, and prays for the best (1 Cor. 13).
Pray. The Gospel of Luke omits the time lapse between the prodigal leaving home and his return. The father prayed for his child’s return. I should do the same. The father never lost hope and neither should I (Jas. 5:16).
Choose to keep my eyes on the road. Perhaps one day my spiritual children will return and I will joyfully welcome them home (Heb. 11:1)!
KELSEY’S KORNER
A few weeks ago a good friend of mine lost her baby boy in a miscarriage. She and I were pregnant together, she 1 month further along than me, and mother of 3 sweet boys. I often look to her for wisdom.
At 17 weeks, Natalyn was scheduled for a routine check-up, excited and anxious to check-in on her baby. However, her longed for appointment transformed into confusion and pain when the doctors discovered that her baby no longer had a heartbeat. The devastation of the news seemed unreal, and the shared grief was palpable as the news rippled through our church. As Christians, we know that the Lord gives and takes away and that we are not promised a life free from trials, but how do we go on living when tragedy hits? How does someone recover after losing a child? As I pondered these questions and felt the fear of these possibilities for my own tiny baby, my personal Bible readings sovereignly had me in Hebrews. The Lord used chapter 11 to remind my anxious heart of the answer—we are called to live by faith. A faith that is fixed on truths, on our sure future, and on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (Heb. 12:2).
The first verse in Hebrews 11 sets the stage by defining the term, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” This verse is so easy to skim over, but the definition lays the foundation for the rest of chapter where example after example of Old Testament saints choosing to live “by faith” is given. These saints, despite obstacles, fears, and trials, lived and acted from the overflow of their faith—their “assurance of things hoped for and conviction of things not seen.”
Midway through the chapter, in verses 13-16, we are told what the “things hoped for” are: a “homeland”, or heavenly kingdom/city. These Old Testament saints lived by faith that someday God would put an end to sin, death, and the effects of the Fall, and make a new, heavenly Kingdom. These saints were future focused! Chapter 10 sheds light on the fact that although these OT saints never saw the fulfillment of their faith, we have. Christ’s life and death put into place the first step of fulfillment, and although we still wait longingly with the conviction that more is yet to come, our faith has been given “assurance of things hoped for” by Christ’s death and resurrection!
So with this faith, how do we then live? Chapter 12 gives three practical encouragements:
We look to the example of Jesus and of those saints who have gone before us (vss. 1-4).
We strive to live in righteousness and peace (vss. 5-17).
We keep a heavenly focused heart (vss. 18-29).
Like the OT forerunners before us, when we choose to long for our heavenly kingdom more than anything on earth, trials that bring overwhelming loss cannot unhinge us—we are girded and grounded by our heavenly-focused faith, paid for and secured by Christ.
When I asked Natalyn what the Lord had taught her through her loss, she echoed the truths established in Hebrews 10-12. She expressed that although the pain is at times overwhelming and her loss a mystery, her faith has soared. She had always longed for heaven, but now that she has a child there, heaven has became overwhelmingly real, sure, and immensely exciting for Natalyn and her family. Natalyn shared that with this weight of eternity on their minds, their lives have become ministry minded—even her three small boys have witnessed to strangers in grocery stores, telling them that they have a brother in heaven and asking if they will go to heaven someday, too.
Natalyn also shared some ways the Lord has allowed peace surpassing understanding to fill her heart. A great temptation after losing a child is to become hung-up on the what-ifs. Natalyn, however, was given great comfort in remembering that the Lord has numbered all of our days—there was nothing she could have done differently to change what the Lord had ordained since before time. Natalyn and her family have also received comfort from the “great cloud of witnesses” around them; other believers who have experienced miscarriages, King David’s account of losing his son (2 Sam. 12:15-23), and the ministry of our faithful church.
Two helpful resources, aside from Scripture, were pivotal to Natalyn’s healing—a group called Hope Mommies and John McArthur’s book Safe in the Arms of God. Natalyn ended our conversation by expressing the importance of not facing loss alone. There are believers that have experienced the same trials you are facing—go to them for comfort and wisdom. Get involved in loss groups, be open and honest with your church, and most importantly, choose with the OT saints in Hebrews 11 to live by faith.
THE EVERYDAY HOMEMAKER’S MONTHLY MEDITATION THOUGHT
God’s Word states, “For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”
Therefore, I may boldly say, “Though the loss of a physical or spiritual child is very painful I have the confidence that my heavenly Father will replace the sorrow with joy if I choose to allow Him to do so.” (Ps. 30:5)
You might enjoy other of our spiritual and physical motherhood-related Posts:
“Will You Choose to be A Spiritual Mother?”
Blessings on your day as you focus on making your house a home!